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July 2016

I'm Still Here

StillhereWhy hello dear blog! I didn't think I would go this long without updating.  I can't say anything specific has happened in my life to keep me from blogging, just the days getting away from me.  Well....some stuff did happen that kind of upset me and really messed up my head but I'm working through it the best I can.   In the midst of that drama, I found a new hiking trail nearby that was really nice and quiet, and it was nice to have company to take my mind off of things, thanks Jess

Summer seems to be half-way over already.  Work has been incredibly hectic as we are short staff, people taking vacations, jury duty, surgeries, my schedule has been out of whack a little.  I'm planning to take off a week at the end of August. I can't wait.  I don't have any specific plans yet, but I hope it involves going some place that is not NYC.  Even if it's a day trip further upstate.  I really need a couple of days where I am not thinking about work, or writing a blog post, or scheduling tweets and Facebook updates, or coming up with Instagram content.  Yeah, my brain is slowly feeling like mush. 

I live next door to a gym, and after living here for 6 years, yesterday I thought I'd go inside and ask about a membership.  Maybe more exercise is what I need? Help me recharge my brain and just improve my appearance overall.  Turns out they are way out of my budget, go figure.  I'll just keep going for my walks and sad looking jogs on my own.  

I've been thinking more and more about changing my appearance.  I have yet another tattoo appointment this weekend, I want to change my hair (but don't know how), I'm trying to dress a little different, I seem to be going through a thing.  

Maybe I'm trying to change who I am because I don't like who I am? 

I might just be mentally and emotionally exhausted and I need some sort of escape.  My self-confidence was never the greatest, ever since I was a teenager, and I still have my days of I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm a horrible person.   How can make this go away? I don't want to think this way about myself anymore.   This might be the most I've let my guard down in this blog, this was not my intension when I first started writing but fuck it.  It's the only real therapy I can afford right now.   

So that's what new, yeah, there's nothing new.  Just work. All I do is work.  It's the only thing I feel like I'm worth doing. Just work. 

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