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November 2016
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January 2017

December 2016

Grab A Cup & Blanket: Good Things About 2016 & Looking Ahead

It is so easy to just tell 2016 to fuck the fucking fuck off and not look back.  We lost way too many good people, and  elected a president worse than George W. Bush.   I don't want to dwell on that right now.  Instead, I want to challenge myself and look back at the good things that happened in 2016 and share some links (Plus I only got to use this image once back in January....)

Yay i get to use this image again!

I quit Pulp Sushi and created Ink & Coffee!  I was not sad to let Pulp Sushi go, it was actually pretty cathartic. It was especially nice to not have any pressure to make sales during the holidays.  Good thing!

Still working for Typepad and A Little Beacon Blog.  I was working for Rogue Social for a bit, which was awesome, but I had to let that gig go as things with ALBB have become super busy.  Still a happy ending.

Still going strong with Mike!  We celebrated 15 years together back in August, it was a challenging year but I think we're better for it now. 

Got to experience The Doughnut Project for the first time and now I'm completely hooked! I want one now!

image from pulpsushi.typepad.com

My family is still with me and doing well. Also my cousin got engaged!

More tattoos and went to a nude beach for the first time

I had a great Birthday/Holiday party this month!  We are getting pretty good at hosting holiday parties. Hoping that next year our party will be in a new home with more room to spread out, drink, eat, and lots and lots of Christmas decorations!  It's gonna be bigger, better, and bad-ass..er.

Thanks to the election, I became more involved in politics, current events, social activism, and blogging again!  I really missed writing.  

We all survived the big Instagram changes of 2016

In other good news...

Army blocks drilling of Dakota oil access pipeline - ok this did not effect me directly but it was nice to see a positive resolution come out of an issue that was mostly ignored by the mainstream media. 

The Chicago Cubs win their first World Series since 1908! As a Baseball fan, I loved this story and was cheering them on (because both New York teams weren't in the picture). 

Okay! So I don't really have resolutions for 2017, I have no idea what to expect but I refuse to be complacent. 

More work, more reading, more educating, more writing, more friends, more tattoos, more cake, more coffee. 

I hope to make the most of each day, enjoy the little things, pamper myself, spend more time with friends, and not let negative thoughts take up too much space in my brain.  This does not mean I will stop following what's going on with our government, if anything, I'll be following it MORE, we all should.  

See you in 2017!!

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Don't Tell Me How To Feel!

Don't Tell Me How To Feel

The Holidays is a major time of the year. It can be joyous and exciting, stressful, or real depressing.  It definitely conjurs up different emotions.  We all know someone who is just always super bubbly and chipper, a friend, family member, coworker.  Those people who are always so freakin' happy and see the positive in everything. God forbid you happen to be in a mood around these people, they try extra hard to cheer you up to the point you want to stab yourself with a fork.  They can be so annoying right? And misleading.    

It could be easy to get sucked into a hole of negative thoughts and comparisons when you look at your Instagram, Facebook, blog reads and see that other's seem to have all together.  Life is just so great for them, where did I go wrong? Why can't I be as happy as them?   Here's the thing, you can't. You can't because that's them, not you.  You can find your own happy when you're ready for it, not when someone else tells you to be.  

Trust me, those people have crummy days too, they may be better at hiding it, or are not as in touch in their feelings as you are.  People who force themselves not to feel any bad feelings are in for a rude awakening and could possiblly snap.

image from newnownext.mtvnimages.com

You have an advantage because you are being honest with youself.  It's good to let yourself feel sad sometimes.  

A great quote from Michael James at Tiny Buddha:

Denying our emotions is an insult to the journey of what it means to be a human being, and it does nothing to help people feel better.  

I seriously tried to force the positivity on myself many times and it wouldn't work.  Sometimes when I get in my "moods" I give up forcing it away and just ride it out, have a good cry, because good cries are...good!

This article also mentioned being bombarded on Instagram with messages telling you to cheer up, look forward, always look on the bright side.  It's like we are constantly being told that we need to positive at all times.  I've tried posting positive affirmations on Instagram too...

 

This too shall pass. #wednesdaymotivation #wednesdaywisdom #keepcalm #wordsofwisdom #wordstoliveby #motivation #words #cheerup

A photo posted by Marilyn πŸ‘“β˜•οΈπŸ° (@marilyn_coffeeink) on

I posted this over the Summer as a message to myself when I was in a real funk.  I stayed in a funk most of the Summer.   It may be a nice message, but not everyone wants to, or needs to hear it.  Be sad, be annoyed, be angry!  Believe me, I am going to be angry, worried, and terrified for at least the next four years and I will not accept someone telling me to "Let it go" or "Move on, let's see what happens." Nope, you better kill that noise right now.

Of course, there's being sad for a few days (in a funk), and then there's suffering from depression.  When you're in a funk, you can still live your life, laugh at jokes, take part in your hobbies.  Depression can be debilitating and crippling. If your thoughts lean towards ending your life, then it is time to seek help.  How are you feeling today?

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Don't You Want To Be A Mom??

I recently read an article on viralwomen.com, I Would Rather Travel The World Than EVER Have Kids. Being childfree, I identified with this SO MUCH. Only I wish I got to travel as much as the author does. I don't think I ever wrote about choosing not to have children. Not here or my previous blog.  It wasn't a secret, I'm pretty open about it, everyone that knows me knows that I don't plan on having children. 

No_mom

I can't remember when I decided I was not interested in being a mother.  It happened after I started dating Mike but I don't recall a moment or an awakening.  Even before that I was wishy washy about having kids.  I was never good with kids and I have low tolerance for crying and nagging. I would get annoyed hearing a loud kid at the grocery store, restaurant, or just out and about.  Nothing about being a parent ever appealed to me.  I don't have a biological clock and there is not a drop of maternal instinct in me.

When I see a dog, I lose it - Awwww! Look at that dog! He looks soooo sweet!  Oh I want a dog sooooo bad!!!

Some women react this way when they see a baby, not me! Not ever ever ever.  I like babies, babies are cute, but they're not my thing.  Thankfully, my brother has two girls so there goes the pressure of giving my parents grandchildren.  My parents never asked me about having kids and I don't think I've ever actually told them that I am not having kids, but they know.   

Luckily, when I accepted that I will not be a mother, Mike was okay with it and sorta feels the same. He can take it or leave it, but he will never pressure me into changing my mind.  I worry that he will resent me for taking fatherhood away from him, it makes me really sad if I think about it too long.

The truth is, I am selfish, there are things I just want to do for myself.  I want to be able to come and go as I please.  I'm very selfish, and I'm okay with that.  I also believe that not everyone is cut out to be a parent (men and women) and there should be more awareness and talk about this to help them realize that.  It doesn't make us bad people, it doesn't make us less of a person, or some kind of weird social pariah.  

There is a downside to choosing this life.  The older you get, the less friends you have because everyone else is having kids, they don't have time to spend with you, they connect with other moms  to talk about mom-stuff and you're just left on your own.  There's also the issue of who will take care of you when you're old? Well, I plan on staying independent for as long as possible and I don't think having kids just so they can wipe MY ass when I'm old is fair.  These are not good enough reasons to change my mind. 

Traditionally, becoming a Mom is a right of passage, it's part of being a Woman.  If you do not want this, there's something wrong with you!  While there has been a shift of attitude and more couples are choosing to live childfree, the stigma is still there.  Adele said the following about being a mother in the December issue of Vanity Fair

β€œI think it’s the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that’s what adults do,” she says. β€œI love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that.”

I appreciate her saying this.  This is the part of parenting people don't want to talk about.In "It's a Wonderful Life" one of the lines that makes me laugh is when George Bailey is having his meltdown and he says to his wife "You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?"  It is not always perfect, no matter how much they try to show it is on Facebook and Instagram.  Parents should be more open about the hardships of being a parent. I know it's not easy.  You're also not a horrible parent if there are some days where you wish you didn't have kids, it's OKAY!!  

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Sharing #GivingTuesday Love Every Day

IMG_9051

On Tuesday, November 29th, it was #GivingTuesday which I guess was created to help people not feel so bad about over abundantly spending their money on Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday (do we rest on Sunday?).  But seriously, it is the Tuesday after Thanksgiving as a call to action in the spirit of giving during the Holiday season.   It is nice to have a special day that brings focus on charity and giving, I'm all for it!  The holiday season especially tugs on the heart strings and it's' hard to turn away.

I don't see anything wrong with telling others who you donate to, how else will others learn about the charity?  I couldn't donate much, but I did send some bucks to Guiding Eyes For The Blind, who I have supported for years, and an organization I recently learned about, National Network Of Abortion Funds.  The Washington Post has a piece about how there has been a significant increase in donations since Trump was elected.  This is inspiring!  I know that the day after, I was motivated to do more.  I set up monthly donations with Planned Parenthood and GLAAD and will be giving to more, especially to those causes as risk of losing funding under the Trump administration.

Even if you can't donate cash, spreading the word is a good way to still support your favorite charities. I spent #GivingTuesday tweeting out a bunch of causes I support 100%. In case you missed it, I wanted to share the love on my blog too: 

I'm especially drawn to causes that fight for women's rights, protection of animals, LGBTQ rights, and promoting positive sex education.  While it's not #GivingTuesday anymore, these charities accept donations all year long.   

What causes are you passionate about? 

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