I recently read an article on viralwomen.com, I Would Rather Travel The World Than EVER Have Kids. Being childfree, I identified with this SO MUCH. Only I wish I got to travel as much as the author does. I don't think I ever wrote about choosing not to have children. Not here or my previous blog. It wasn't a secret, I'm pretty open about it, everyone that knows me knows that I don't plan on having children.
I can't remember when I decided I was not interested in being a mother. It happened after I started dating Mike but I don't recall a moment or an awakening. Even before that I was wishy washy about having kids. I was never good with kids and I have low tolerance for crying and nagging. I would get annoyed hearing a loud kid at the grocery store, restaurant, or just out and about. Nothing about being a parent ever appealed to me. I don't have a biological clock and there is not a drop of maternal instinct in me.
When I see a dog, I lose it - Awwww! Look at that dog! He looks soooo sweet! Oh I want a dog sooooo bad!!!
Some women react this way when they see a baby, not me! Not ever ever ever. I like babies, babies are cute, but they're not my thing. Thankfully, my brother has two girls so there goes the pressure of giving my parents grandchildren. My parents never asked me about having kids and I don't think I've ever actually told them that I am not having kids, but they know.
Luckily, when I accepted that I will not be a mother, Mike was okay with it and sorta feels the same. He can take it or leave it, but he will never pressure me into changing my mind. I worry that he will resent me for taking fatherhood away from him, it makes me really sad if I think about it too long.
The truth is, I am selfish, there are things I just want to do for myself. I want to be able to come and go as I please. I'm very selfish, and I'm okay with that. I also believe that not everyone is cut out to be a parent (men and women) and there should be more awareness and talk about this to help them realize that. It doesn't make us bad people, it doesn't make us less of a person, or some kind of weird social pariah.
There is a downside to choosing this life. The older you get, the less friends you have because everyone else is having kids, they don't have time to spend with you, they connect with other moms to talk about mom-stuff and you're just left on your own. There's also the issue of who will take care of you when you're old? Well, I plan on staying independent for as long as possible and I don't think having kids just so they can wipe MY ass when I'm old is fair. These are not good enough reasons to change my mind.
Traditionally, becoming a Mom is a right of passage, it's part of being a Woman. If you do not want this, there's something wrong with you! While there has been a shift of attitude and more couples are choosing to live childfree, the stigma is still there. Adele said the following about being a mother in the December issue of Vanity Fair:
“I think it’s the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that’s what adults do,” she says. “I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that.”
I appreciate her saying this. This is the part of parenting people don't want to talk about.In "It's a Wonderful Life" one of the lines that makes me laugh is when George Bailey is having his meltdown and he says to his wife "You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?" It is not always perfect, no matter how much they try to show it is on Facebook and Instagram. Parents should be more open about the hardships of being a parent. I know it's not easy. You're also not a horrible parent if there are some days where you wish you didn't have kids, it's OKAY!!