I was at the salon getting my hair chopped off. Every few years I decide to cut all of my hair off and go short. It's like a cleansing. Also, I start Yoga Teacher Training in a couple of weeks and I don't want to worry about how fucked up my hair is looking after 532 hours of yoga. I mentioned this to my stylist and she was really excited for me but she also said "I have this weird thing about yoga." I asked what she meant by that.
She goes on to tell me that she's been to a few yoga studios in the area (not the one I go to) and always felt uncomfortable because she's a bigger girl. She felt like she was being judged for her size, stared at, and she never felt welcomed. I knew E X A C T L Y where she was coming from. I told her that that attitude is the reason why I want to teach yoga. I've been there a lot, I still am sometimes. Sure, there may be an asshole or two who may be like "What are YOU doing here??" but screw em! Clearly they are there for the wrong reasons and are miserable deep down. YOU SHOWED UP! And that should be commended for. Also, I honestly don't believe that people really care about what you're doing, it's all in your (and my) head.
I told her that I have my own worries becoming a teacher wondering "Who would want to take a class with someone who looks like me??" and she said "I WOULD!!" That is who I want to be there for:
- The plus size woman who hides in the back of the room so no one sees her.
- The older person who wants to try something new for the first time but is intimidated by the younger people around them.
- The man who is curious about yoga but is afraid of being laughed at by a room full of women.
- ANYONE who has ever felt like an outsider, not accepted, alone, unloved, ostracized just for who they are and need to get out of that dark place.
Yoga helped me out of that dark place and taught me to love the things that my body can do and see how strong I really am. I still have insecurities but I feel better equipped on how to handle them. I just hope I am given a chance to share that with others.